This isn’t a blog I wanted to be creating.
What I wanted to be doing was procreating. Looking up pregnancy websites. Choosing names. Trying to find a space for all my stuff so that we could put together a nursery. Thinking about birth plans and epidural versus no drugs. Finding the cutest maternity outfit to show off my bump during the holidays. Bugging my husband to go to the store and get me something I’m craving.
Instead, I got a surprise diagnosis about two months ago: polycystic ovary syndrome. There were words I never expected to hear, as my doctor told me as gently as possible that while she never tells patients that they won’t conceive “naturally”, it was very unlikely that I would ever get pregnant without medical intervention.
I can’t bring myself to reveal my real name and face, although it’s entirely possible someone who knows me in real life may come to recognize me through these posts. I’m okay with that. At the same time, I’m not ready to wade into the adventure of posting some pretty personal stuff as myself…yet. Maybe at some point, I’ll be able and ready to take that step, but that day is not today. So I’ve adopted the screen name Katherine A, for one of the most interesting sub-fertile women in history, Katherine of Aragon (I’m a Tudor history buff, as you can imagine!). In that spirit, I’ll call my husband Arthur.
Katherine of Aragon, for the record, wasn’t what we’d call “infertile” in today’s medical parlance. She does, however, fit into the more general category of pregnancy/child loss and struggled mightily with her own inability to produce the much desired male heir. She had six pregnancies, only one of which resulted in a living daughter. Her other children (four boys, one girl) all were either stillborn or died early in infancy. I do think she certainly understood the grief and pain associated with being unable to have the children she wanted so very badly, and thus I don’t think it’s inconsistent to look upon her as a fellow sufferer in all of this.
I wanted to start blogging because, as someone with a BA in English, words are my medium of expression. Since I got my diagnosis, I’ve gotten great comfort and support from reading blogs of others struggling through this. So I look forward to interacting with, reading, and now adding my voice to the community.