Back In The Saddle Again

It’s amazing how long four days can feel when you’re waiting.  Tuesday finally rolled around, though, and Dr. D called for the phone consult.  It even worked out that he called us late enough in the evening that Arthur was home from work and could also be a part of the phone call.  That was really nice.

I told Dr. D that with two cancelled cycles in a row and a third one that hadn’t been particularly easy, I really didn’t think that doing more ovarian stimulation with IUI was the best use of our time and resources.  Dr. D said that after reviewing my chart, he probably would have kept the last cycle going a bit longer instead of cancelling it.  So he made us the proverbial offer we couldn’t refuse: he and the clinic won’t charge us to do one more cycle with the Femara and Follistim.  Since I have a fair amount of Follistim already sitting in my refrigerator and Femara’s not particularly expensive, it basically means no further major out of pocket costs for us to do one more cycle.

That was a deal we could agree to try.  Dr. D put me on Provera to get ready to start the cycle Tuesday night.  Of course, my body can’t do anything on a normal timetable.  Aunt Flo paid me a visit Wednesday morning, sending me scrambling to call the office and get ready to go through this again.  I’m hoping for no cysts at my appointment, and there’s even the tiniest shred of wild hope this could even result in a baby.

Dr. D did say that if this cycle has to be cancelled again or doesn’t work, that IVF is definitely the next step for us.  He said that if I wanted to go straight to IVF, I certainly qualified medically to do so, but he really wanted to try that one last cycle.  Since it’s not really a major cost for us with the clinic fees covered and our leftover medications (especially compared to IVF), it’s worth a shot.  It’s also the fastest way for us to potentially get pregnant, since with IVF we’d need to wait several months to get all the testing and paperwork done and then get my cycles regulated for an IVF protocol.  Even if I don’t get pregnant on the IUI cycle, it’s another chance for Dr. D to collect data on my ovaries’ response to better form an IVF protocol.

I wish I could say that I’m guarding my emotions, but I can’t.  I want this to work more than just about anything I’ve ever wanted in my entire life.  Part of me goes “remember the odds:  just 15-25%”.  The other part just keeps pleading for this to work and hoping so very much that it does.  I know deep down, if the cycle is either cancelled or doesn’t produce a pregnancy, I’m going to be absolutely crushed no matter how much I tell myself not to get my hopes up too much.

So for the moment, I’m just going to let myself exist in cautious optimism and see how the appointment goes this morning.


9 thoughts on “Back In The Saddle Again

  1. I very much agree with damelapin. We try to guard ourselves as protection but it doesn’t make the hit of failure any easier to take. So be your own cheerleader and believe that even if it’s a 15% chance, you by a brilliant strike of luck could fall into it.

    Wishing you sooo much luck!

    1. Thanks! It’s true – no matter how much we guard our emotions, it doesn’t make it any better if things don’t work out. I’m with you – got to just hope that this time the numbers work out.

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