It has been a nerve-wracking couple of weeks. In some ways, I haven’t posted because I was afraid to even talk about it, for fear that somehow if I spoke the words out loud the follicles in my ovaries would magically disappear overnight and be gone. That the cycle would be cancelled. That no mature eggs would be retrieved. I spent hours poring over my ultrasound reports and lab tests, worrying, watching as the follicles matured.
Today, though, I’m posting because I need whatever thoughts/prayers/fertility dances anyone has.
I was pretty psyched after my retrieval yesterday. The doctor came by to tell us he had gotten 15 eggs, and was pleased with that number. It meant my ovaries hadn’t gotten over stimulated, which we were all worried about, but it was still a good number. I left figuring that even if a few were immature, plenty would fertilize. After all, I just turned 31. My hormone numbers looked good for decent egg quality.
Then I got the call from the ART lab this morning: 5 fertilized. Out of f*cking fifteen. The biologist told me that 11 of the eggs were mature enough to perform ICSI on. Out of those, only the five fertilized normally. I probably sounded horrified on the phone, enough so that the biologist reassured me that really, they’d rather have a few high quality embryos than lots of so-so quality embryos. That it only takes one to get pregnant. That plenty of people only wind up with two embryos and get twins. She reminded me that only about 25% of patients actually wind up with embryos to freeze.
Needless to say, the good feelings are gone.
So I’ve spent the last hour or so calling Arthur at work in tears and freaking out. Because 5 fertilized eggs doesn’t mean 5 embryos that are transferrable or freezable. It just means 5 eggs fertilized and we have no idea how many – if any – are going to continue to divide normally. There’s a part of me that knows that even if we’d had a huge fertilization rate and tons of awesome embryos, there’s still the fact that we might not have gotten pregnant anyway, who knows how many would survive the process of freezing, and who knows if any frozen transfer(s) would have taken. It’s false security. But that doesn’t stop the worry or upset at only getting 5.
Transfer is tentatively scheduled for Thursday, or possibly Saturday depending on how the embryos look.