The Cat Came Back

“Ahh!” I yelled as a furry, black streak bolted through my legs and out the door.

We had just finished viewing a house with our realtor that had gone uneventfully – until now.  Sh*t, I thought, we can’t lose someone’s pet!  Fortunately, the cat, once out, had run to the neighbor’s yard but then stopped to sit under a bush.  Arthur and the real estate agent successfully retrieved the cat and deposited it carefully back into the house.

We bought the house.

~*~

Friday morning, I was getting ready when E told me that there was a cat on the back porch.  I didn’t think much of it.  When I was growing up, it was common to see cats from around the neighborhood taking a stroll, probably after mice or birds.  The cat mewed for a few moments at the back door.  I wonder where he’s from, I thought.  We left to run an errand, and when I came back, the cat was gone.

~*~

Sunday, we saw the cat again.  This time, however, we were out in the yard, and the cat came up to us, rubbed against our legs, and purred.  It was obvious he wasn’t feral.  I thought about this for a moment and remembered the similar-looking cat that had escaped when we viewed the house.  I knew the former owner hadn’t moved too far away.  “I wonder if this is (former owner’s) cat,” I said to Arthur.  The neighbor who I knew kept in touch with the former owner didn’t seem to be home, though.  “I’ll call the real estate office on Monday.  Hopefully they can put me in touch with the former owner and I can find out if he’s missing a cat,” I decided.  We went indoors briefly, and when we came out again, the cat was gone.

~*~

This morning, I didn’t see the cat, but called and left a message with the real estate agent.  A couple hours later, running late, not having received a return call, I opened the garage door and as I was getting the car loaded, the cat came running from across the street, mewing frantically.  “Poor thing,” I said.  It was just too much to be coincidence.  I knew I needed to get in touch with the former owner as soon as possible.

Fortunately, the neighbor was home when I knocked and able to give me the former owner’s phone number.  I called him.  “Can you catch the cat?” he asked.  “I’ll be straight over.”

I picked up the cat, made sure I had him secured in the garage, and within five minutes, the former owner was there.  It turned out that the cat belonged to his adolescent daughter who had been worried and upset.  He was very glad to see the cat and looking forward to reuniting girl with her pet.

~*~

What can I say, I’m always excited to get an animal story with a happy ending.

This post is a part of Microblog Mondays.  If you want to read more, please head over to Stirrup Queens!  Thanks to Mel for originating and hosting.

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Home Improvement

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Well, I certainly didn’t plan to abruptly disappear into cyberspace, but holy heck, that’s what happened.  The short version: we closed on the house and commenced on a huge round of cleaning, painting, flooring, packing, and moving starting in early January.  Having never owned property before, I did not realize that all of this is really a much bigger undertaking that I had thought.

In two months, we have:

  • Replaced almost all of the upstairs flooring (it was ancient carpet, the previous owners had two large dogs and two cats, and we have allergies) and had professionals put in nice, water-resistant laminate
  • Painted three of the bedrooms ourselves to a nice, neutral warm cream color
  • Repainted a bunch of trim/doors in the upstairs ourselves
  • Had the kitchen and living room professionally painted as there were a lot of nooks and crannies that were going to be tough to do well ourselves (both were gray to begin with, which I know is really trendy right now, but it felt depressing to me – so now the kitchen is a very pale creamy yellow and the living room is a light sky blue)
  • Bought area rugs for bedrooms and the living room
  • New sofa and benches for the living room.
  • Installed various curtain rods
  • Packed up our old place
  • Hired and supervised movers for all the heavy furniture (we considered having friends/family help us, but we have a sleeper sofa that is horribly heavy plus a washer and dryer, and decided the risk of one of us throwing out a back was too high)
  • Replaced the dining area chandelier
  • Unpacked most of the bedrooms
  • Bought a guest bed

I love all of it, though!  It’s the first place we’ve lived that actually has felt like mine/ours.  There are a few less “fun” things to get done, such as hiring a handyman to get a little bit of the wooden siding on the front repaired now that the weather allows for it, but we’re making headway on that as well.

These days, we’re in the tough sort of “in-between” phase where we’re living in the new house but still cleaning out bits and pieces from our old apartment (our lease is up at the end of March).  We’re also unpacking and having a lot of those “wait, where is (fill in the blank)?!” moments.

Other than the moving/house, I’ve been reading Sheryl Sandburg’s Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy.  I have mixed feelings about it.  On the one hand, she has some really good advice about coping with life’s truly horrible moments and shares a lot of her personal story that I found moving and relatable.  On the other hand, it’s also very rah-rah, you can move through this, and kid/parenting heavy.  I found a lot of the advice about coping with an unexpected death like my brother’s good, but I know if I’d read this during my fertility struggles or when I was in the hospital expecting to lose my older daughter any day, I would have found a lot of it really frustrating.  I guess like most advice books, I’m taking what applies to me and leaving the rest.

I’m also finishing up Eve Schaub’s book Year of No Clutter and thoroughly enjoying it so far (though, be warned, near the end there is a chapter on sorting out her daughters’ baby things).  Schaub writes about her “Hell Room” – the largest room in her house that is so cluttered and full of stuff that she can barely get into it and so just closes the door.  As someone who firmly falls on the ‘packrat’ side of the clutter/decluttering continuum, even though I have not reached the point Schaub has, I still can relate to quite a few of the feelings Schaub discusses about dealing with “stuff”.  Schaub’s story about keeping a mummified dead mouse (!) because she wrote about it and now feels attached to it, however, was definitely not one of those moments (I hate, loathe, despise, and otherwise cannot stand dead critters in my living space).  When she talked about craft projects that she saves and never gets to but can’t bear to throw out however…well, my mind went guiltily to my fabric drawer, stuffed with un-finished sewing projects.  Given that we’re in the stage of trying to figure out what to keep and what to toss, though, reading the book has been a bit of a companion in the stress of trying to deal with the “but I might NEED IT SOMEDAY!” moments.

This post is part of Microblog Mondays – if you want to read more posts from other bloggers, head on over to Stirrup Queens!  Thanks to Mel for originating and hosting.

New Year, New House

We bought a house.

Not the beautiful old 1926 one.

I got in touch with the city engineer and confirmed the lead service line to the home was most likely intact.  While it’s worth noting that lead service lines are typically covered in scale that helps protect the water, there’s still a risk, especially if something changes with the water.  Arthur and I still, at that point were holding on to the idea of the house, but I went ahead and called the health department to find out what information they had on lead in the area and how to proceed.  The case worker on the other end paused.  Then she said: “Well, we haven’t been to that house.  But we’ve been on that street and there’s definitely lead.”

I listened as she carefully chose her next words.  “Sometimes historic houses aren’t the best for children that are as young as yours.”

The message came through loud and clear.  Don’t do this.

I talked to Arthur.  We emailed the realtor and decided to drop the house from our list.  It’s an amazing house, but there were so many major issues with it (furnace, AC needed replaced, we knew the electricity was probably outdated, and there were several other issues we knew about – all this prior to an inspection) and the lead was the final straw.  It was too much for us to take on at this point.

We started scouring the real estate listings again.  Two houses popped up on our radar in fairly short order.  Both were newer, one a 1986, the other a 1995.  They were in our desired location and we arranged to see both of them in one day.

We liked both houses and spent the rest of the day debating which one to offer on.  One had a daylight basement and the other had a basement but no windows, so we finally decided to offer on the daylight basement house.  Our realtor put in the offer and we waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, our realtor called the listing realtor just before the offer was due to expire.  The other realtor was incredibly rude and said that we had offered far too low (reality check: we had offered around 3% under asking price) and they weren’t even going to counter.

“Forget it,” I told our realtor.  “We liked the other house just as much.  We spent the entire evening debating which one to make the offer on.”  No point in trying to work with a seller and listing agent who had no intention of taking us seriously and who, I suspected, could be trouble if the inspection turned up anything of note.

We immediately put in an offer on the other house.  The next morning, our realtor called us.  “Congratulations!” she told us.

The inspection turned up a few minor issues, but overall, it’s a good, solid house according to the inspector.  We’ve got the mortgage arranged.  It’s been a whirlwind few weeks, but we’re cleared to close, and looking forward to doing so just after the new year.  With a few minutes to breathe, now I’m hoping to catch up on my blog reading!

Now we’re onto the fun of picking paint colors and preparing to replace carpets with laminate floors…

Pondering

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I’ve found myself reading mystery novelist Louise Penny a lot lately.  When the news and the world is horrible and dark, her novels are calming, a refuge of sorts, just like her fictional village Three Pines that can only be found by those who are lost.  Penny’s novels don’t deny the darkness, nor do they minimize or turn away from the ugliness found in human nature.  Penny does, however, present an alternative vision of genuine kindness and deep determination to do right in the face of unspeakable injustice and crimes.

Last week, Loribeth at The Road Less Travelled wrote a lovely piece on how we teach people to suffer (she gives a wonderful answer).  It’s been in my head for the last week because it is such a difficult, pertinent question.

As I was finishing up one of Penny’s novels and reading the acknowledgements section, I was struck by what Penny wrote of her own life during the time she worked on the book: “Michael [her husband] has dementia.  It has progressed, marching through our lives, stomping out his ability to speak, to walk, to remember events and names.  Dementia is a marauder, a thief.  But every hole it drilled has been filled by our friends.  By practical help and emotional support.”

It is the final part of her thanks that took my breath away: “I wrote A Great Reckoning with the peace of mind that comes with knowing I too am safe and loved.  And not alone.”

If I had to give an answer to the question of how to teach suffering, Penny’s words in the face of slowly losing her beloved husband are the best I could manage.  Create community.  Help find a way to let people know that they are safe.  Loved.  Not alone.

This post is a part of Microblog Mondays.  If you’d like to read more, head on over to Stirrup Queens!  Thanks to Mel for hosting and originating.  

And Then There Was One

A little over a week ago, I got the call I had been awaiting and dreading in equal measure.  “We’re thawing your embryos this morning,” the biologist at the IVF lab informed me.

Both embryos thawed, needed an assist with hatching, and then were watched overnight to see if they would grow enough for a biopsy (they had originally been frozen at a 2 stage for expansion, not quite enough to biopsy properly).  I found out the next morning that the blasts had expanded, samples had been dispatched to the genetics laboratory for testing, and both embryos refrozen with a newer vitrification technique.  The biologist stated that she estimated about a 75% chance for each embryo to thaw and re-expand properly for transfer in the future.  This was, essentially, the same chance we’d had before (since an earlier, less advanced form of vitrification had been used when the embryos were originally frozen in 2014), so despite the thaw and re-freeze, we really hadn’t lost anything in terms of the chances that the embryos would thaw properly later.

Then we waited.

Tuesday, I got the call from the RE.  We have one embryo that is genetically normal.  The other one had multiple chromosomal abnormalities, not ambiguous at all.  We chose to leave the sex off the report from the lab because personally, neither of us felt comfortable knowing.

I’m so glad we chose to do the test.  Interestingly, the genetically normal embryo is the one the lab had given a slight edge (though both technically scored the same in terms of grading) and would have thawed and attempted to transfer first even without the genetic testing.  However, if it didn’t thaw properly or simply hadn’t implanted, we would have probably attempted to transfer the other that turned out to be aneuploid.  We would have wound up with nothing to transfer or negative pregnancy test (at best) or a miscarriage/loss.  If the first one had implanted and resulted in a live birth, we would have been left in limbo, wondering what we should do with the final embryo.

There’s still a huge gulf between a genetically normal embryo and a baby.  There’s a chance the embryo won’t thaw correctly to even get to transfer since it’s been frozen, thawed, biopsied, and refrozen.  If we can transfer, even with a genetically normal embryo, not all implant.  Even if it implants, I know how easily the sh*t can hit the fan at any point in pregnancy.  There’s a lot of logistics and life and plenty that’s still up in the air or could change in a couple of years.

But, and this is the key point, the whole point of doing the test for us, we now know where we stand in terms of the health and potential of the embryos.  We can make whatever decisions we need to make with that knowledge in mind.

How Do You Say ‘Thank You’ to Someone You Never Met?

When I’d go for my daily run as I was going through infertility, I had one song on my i-pod that I generally slotted toward the end of my playlist.

Well, I won’t back down
No, I won’t back down
You can stand me up at the gates of hell
But I won’t back down

No, I’ll stand my ground
Won’t be turned around
And I’ll keep this world from draggin’ me down
Gonna stand my ground

I always knew I couldn’t control the outcomes of my cycles or whether or not we ultimately had a baby.  I couldn’t control the suckitude of cancelled cycles, BFNs, or the losses.  Most days, it felt like nothing was in my control.

Well I know what’s right
I got just one life
In a world that keeps on pushin’ me around
I’ll stand my ground

I never heard the song as a “don’t give up on treatment” but rather, not to give up on life when some days, it was hard to get up in the mornings.  The song always rallied me to remember that someday, somewhere, we would make it through.  There was a good life after infertility, whether or not we ultimately had children.

And I won’t back down
(I won’t back down)
Hey, baby, there ain’t no easy way out
(I won’t back down)
Hey, I will stand my ground
And I won’t back down

I listened to that song through so many bad moments – diagnoses, miscarriages, cycles, job losses, hospitalization, NICU, my brother’s death, post-NICU – and it always gave me just that little bit of strength I so often needed to say “I am struggling.  But I will find a way through.  Maybe not the way I envisioned or hoped.  Maybe a different way.  But a way”.  Still does, honestly.

As I was browsing news sites the other day, I heard that one of the song’s writers and singer – Tom Petty – had died.  I’m sad and sorry he’s gone.  But what do you say about someone you never met or actually knew?

I guess, just this:

Thank you for the song, Tom Petty.  Thank you.

Lyrics to “I Won’t Back Down” by Tom Petty/Jeff Lynne. 

Odds and Ends

A couple of weeks ago, E knocked my laptop off the coffee table accidentally.  In a freak sort of moment, it hit the corner of a heavy basket I keep next to the table and cracked the screen.  Since the crack didn’t affect the LCD part of the screen (it was a very surface crack), I groaned and figured I’d keep using the laptop for a bit while researching potential replacements and saving.

A few days later, M spit up directly into the keypad.  I turned it off immediately, wiped up what I could, and waited.  The laptop is mostly working now, but has some sticky keys and is clearly running even more obviously on borrowed time than before.  Arthur is researching alternatives and hopefully we’ll get one ordered in the next week or so before this laptop dies entirely.  I’m backing up all my files to the external hard-drive and getting ready to move my bookmarks and such before that happens.

It is telling that upon seeing the screen crack, my first thought was: well, this will most likely be less expensive to replace than two vials of foll.istim and definitely less expensive than a single IUI.

Infertility has clearly skewed my view of the term “expensive”.

~*~

Life is in that busy but largely pleasant mode for the most part these days.  I’ve been back to work since mid-June, which is going well.  I enjoy what I do, so while I’m tired (trying to readjust to working nights is taking some time), it’s great to have a chance to interact with my coworkers and take on some projects.

Arthur and I got to go to a fundraiser for the local zoo on Friday with his parents and a couple of his siblings.  It’s a sort of local “taste and drink” deal, where many of the restaurants and catering companies in town set up booths with small portions and typically a signature drink or two.  Because I have a terrible sweet tooth, my favorite is the artisan chocolate company.  It was a lot of fun, made more so because the animals were far more active at night than they typically are during the day.

~*~

E is almost finished with speech therapy.  We have one last session in September just to make sure she hasn’t regressed.  I’m not too worried at this point.  The other day, she walked up to me and started talking about the “botanical garden”.  Yep, with the word ‘botanical’ clearly pronounced.  We’ve come a long way from the 18 month who had what the speech therapist termed a “moderate to severe” speech delay.

She’s doing extremely well overall.  Still doing some physical therapy for a few motor issues, but we see improvement and hope that soon enough the gymnastics class I’ve got her enrolled in at our local YMCA will be enough.  We’re gearing up for a minor procedure for E in September due to congenital partially blocked tear ducts, but hopefully that will be her final surgery for the foreseeable future.

M is growing so fast!  Having a term baby after a very premature one is a totally different game.  She’s a happy, giggly baby who smiles and babbles a lot.  It’s strange not to be in a doctor’s office on a regular basis and to watch her outgrow clothes at an absolutely (to me) extraordinary rate.

~*~

Arthur and I scheduled a consult with Dr. E to discuss our two remaining embryos.  We aren’t anywhere near ready to make a final decision, but we need information to make some of those decisions, time to potentially save up financially, and a discussion of what’s even possible or advisable at this point.

~*~

We’re starting to make appointments to prepare for a house purchase.  We’ve been looking at various neighborhoods, narrowed what we are looking for, and decided on a couple of financial institutions to talk to for the mortgage.  It’s both daunting and exciting to get to this point.