A First Unbirthday

A tiny flickering spot, a darkened hushed room. That is how I know you.

That is all I will ever know of you.

I find myself thinking around this day, your due date, when I am changing diapers, reading Goodnight Moon, rocking the sweetly heavy weight of a sleeping baby, I would have done this for you. I would have done this for you.

I would have done all these things for you.

You are the silence, the catch in my voice. The ghost in the gray of an ultrasound screen, never to fully materialize. Instead, we meet in the edges of my life, you as unable to stay as I am unwilling to let you go.

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “A First Unbirthday

  1. This is beautiful. I’m on the other side of miscarriage/PCOS, and I can tell you that the hurt of my losses has faded considerably with time (10 years), but those short lives are never forgotten.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s